More to Me Than HIV

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More to Me Than HIV

First published in Gscene July 2020 For last years World AIDS Day I put together a public project of work joining other people living with an HIV+ diagnoses at Jubilee library.For last years World AIDS Day I put together a public project of work joining other people living with an HIV+ diagnoses at Jubilee library. For the project I spoke openly about my journey having being           Read more

More to Me Than HIV: GScene post Aug 2020

More to Me Than HIV is a project that aims to breakdown the stigma that has historically been attached to this virus.  When I saw my piece in last months Gscene to promote the More to Me Than HIV project, I was extremely proud, but a small part of me was filled with anxiety; but why should I feel this way? I have been on effective antiretroviral therapy since the Read more

More to Me Than HIV: first published in GScene July 2020

For last years World AIDS Day I put together a public project of work joining other people living with an HIV+ diagnoses at Jubilee library. For the project I spoke openly about my journey having being             diagnosed HIV+ 32 years previous. Back then there was no treatment and a lot of fear and misinformation concerning how HIV was transmitted. As such stigma was rife, Read more

Gay

Combating Stigma: More To Me Than HIV.

First published in Gscene Aug 2020

More to Me Than HIV is a project that aims to breakdown the stigma that has historically been attached to this virus. 

When I saw my piece in last months Gscene to promote the More to Me Than HIV project, I was extremely proud, but a small part of me was filled with anxiety; but why should I feel this way? I have been on effective antiretroviral therapy since the early 1990s, but having lived through the period before there was any treatment, watching friends die of AIDS, or from the toxicity of early medication AZT, those memories of uncertainty can still creep in and unnerve. 

With this in mind, I can imagine that for the group of people who HIV has not had a significant impact on their lives, when they hear the words HIV or AIDS they will recall the time when the only information out there was AIDS = Death, which was only compounded by the tabloid press who went above and beyond in spreading misinformation about how HIV could be transmitted. Perhaps because HIV is not part of their lives, this is their recall on what HIV is still about. It is this misunderstanding that perpetuates HIV stigma and one that needs to stamped out with re-education. 

The one thing that stops many people being open about their HIV status is the stigma, stigma that comes from outdated ideas about what HIV is and how it can be passed on. 

Let me make this perfectly clear, people living with an HIV+ diagnoses who are on an effective antiretroviral therapy cannot pass the virus on, put simply: Undetectable = Untransmittable.

People living with HIV, on effective treatment can expect to get older and get on with living their lives. Not that living with HIV doesn’t have a whole set of challenges, but having an HIV diagnoses should not be the defining thing about us, we are so much more than those three little letters and that is what is at the core of this project. 

We understand that to speak openly about our HIV+ status may be an uncomfortable step to make, but it is through this project we feel we can break down the stigma associated with HIV by showing that we are not ashamed by our status, it is something we live with but that is not a label that defines who we are. Through this photo project we will show that we are: determined, resilient, funny and capable, we are chefs, beauticians, builders, mother’s, fathers, grandparents, artists, listeners, musicians, carers, writers and so the list goes on. So for those living with HIV, we ask you to show us who you are beyond your HIV status; check out the website moretomethanhiv.life, upload three photos, one portrait of yourself and two photos that show another part of what make you, you, along with three, positive, descriptive words. Together we can combat HIV+ stigma and resign it to the history books where it belongs.

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More to Me Than HIV

First published in Gscene July 2020

For last years World AIDS Day I put together a public project of work joining other people living with an HIV+ diagnoses at Jubilee library.For last years World AIDS Day I put together a public project of work joining other people living with an HIV+ diagnoses at Jubilee library.

For the project I spoke openly about my journey having being             diagnosed HIV+ 32 years previous. Back then there was no treatment and a lot of fear and misinformation concerning how HIV was transmitted. As such stigma was rife, which caused me to not be vocal about my status outside of the safety of those HIV+ forums and groups.

I felt empowered by talking about my own HIV+ status at my place of work and was moved by those who spoke so eloquently and openly about living with an HIV+ diagnoses. Straight after the project had finished, I knew I wanted to build on what we had collectively presented.

From here the same team came on board and collectively we have shaped this years visual presentation for World AIDS Day 2020.

The photo project is called, More to Me than HIV; it’s main purpose is to help breakdown the stigma that many people living with an HIV+ diagnoses experience. The project will culminate in an online public gallery as well as a physical exhibition of photographs at Jubilee library and a selection of branch libraries across Brighton and Hove who are supporting the project by allowing us to use the space free of charge

We are inviting people from all communities, gay, straight, BAME and transgender, who are living with HIV to submit three photos: one self portrait, (format, vertical), and two other photos (cropped, squared to fit beside your portrait photo) These two images must convey other aspects of what makes you, you; from a hobby, your career or passion.

Please send three empowering words to accompany the images. We will format and add these to the partite image. 

Submissions will be exhibited on our online public gallery, which we will launch a week before World AIDS Day as part of the national HIV+ testing week.

From these submissions we will choose a cross section of 30 entries to make up our libraries exhibition. When submitting your photos, there will be an option to opt out of this part of the project and to have your images online only. 

From the 30 entires we would like to invite you to write  300 words (100 words for each image) to give further context to the images and what it means then we say there’s more to me than HIV. 

The team behind the project understand there be a lot of questions  participants want to ask which we will strive to answer via the website, here are a few that may come to mind.

Can I be assured of confidentiality?

Yes, we live with or are affected by HIV ourselves and recognise the importance of confidentiality. For example, when you subscribe to our email list, you don’t have to give your name, we only use it to politely address you.

How do I submit photos, which format should I use and size?

Send your photos by email to the webpage address, there will also be easy to follow details of what format and size we would like you to use.

How do you approve images?

We reserve the right not to use images that break any UK law, contain any hateful or obscene content, or are too small to represent on our platform without distorting the image.

What if I don’t want to be identified?

We will not attach any name to the portraits for the project. You may choose not to show your whole face in the portraits, however, we would like to encourage you to combat stigma by being visible.

I’d like to take part, but I’m uneasy as I’m not out about my HIV Status?

We recognise that choosing when and who to disclose your his positive status to can be difficult, as we have been there ourselves. You may want to choose this project as part of your disclosure strategy to show others how diverse we are. Being pictured with others may be of comfort to you, as you are not alone. 

If you would like to speak to an HIV positive Peer Support Volunteer, the Sussex offers a one to one bespoke service to help you stand with you on your journey.

Our website will be updated throughout the project as more questions come in so please do check the website. We look forward to seeing your images as we all stand together and say, there is so much more to name than HIV.

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Make the next five years count.

B12B22CB-90F0-4988-B414-808F27A4D418_1_201_aThursday 3rd March 1988, I was 23 years old and told I had been diagnosed HIV+ and to make the next five years count. The next few months were a bit of a blur. You see, back in 1988 HIV was a killer, there was no cure and if you got HIV then it was very likely it would  lead to AIDS and you would die. I knew this as a fact as many of the men on the gay scene who I knew were dying. At one point it was not unusual to hear of at least one person in my wider group of friends had died.

I knew I would have to tell my friends and decided to do it when my friends and I had a flat warming party. It made sense to me as I had everyone I loved in one place and felt we could all support each other. One by one a friend was asked to join me on the stairs in the hallway, I think I got drunk while my best mate mopped up the tears. 

A turning point came for me when soon after I was offered to go on a drugs trial, at this point I was showing no symptoms related to the unset of AIDS and so was eligible to go on the trial. I wanted to be one of those who could potentially help in finding a breakthrough. You see, only approved anti HIV medication at the time was a drug called AZT, but it was really toxic to those already ill with AIDS and so for many people it only hastened their death. So, it was and brainer to take part in the study.

I was told the group would be split into two, one would have the medication, the other would have a placebo. During the trial the doctor got very excited with my results, everything was improving. I was also getting some of the side effect associated with this medication as well. So it came as a huge surprise to both me and the doctor when at the end of the trial it was revealed that I was in the placebo group. 

I took this as a sign that I should do everything in my power to stay well, positive thinking was going to be the way forward. I know that in reality I had a lot of luck on my side too but I was determined not to die.

By the end of the decade AIDS eventually caught up with me, I remember one day feeling really ill, it hit me out of the blue. Soon after I started feeling a lump on the roof of my mouth, I convinced myself the lump had always been there, I was in such denial that I was even considering asking my friends if they too had a ridge on the roof of their mouth. However, the lump grew and I knew something wasn’t right but I really didn’t not want to admit it to myself let alone to tell anyone else, because to do so would be to admit that I was dying. So I went into total denial that this was happening to me and told no one. At first it was easy, then I began to lose my appetite and I lost a lot of weight. At first I was able to get away with it, I was even pleased that I could fit into a 30” moleskin pair of trousers. But then the weight kept coming off and I started to look ill but still I told no one.

Eventually a friend intervened and took me to Hove hospital where they had a specialist HIV/AIDS ward.

I was taken to a private room, two doctors came in, one shone a torch in my mouth and said, ‘Ah yes, KS classic kaposi’s sarcoma.’

Suddenly everything I was in denial about was laid out in front of me, getting a KS diagnose was defyining sign that you had moved on from having an HIV+ diagnoses to an AIDS diagnoses. Because of my denial I had not brought anything with me during my hospital stay, so my mate had to get the stuff for me.

I was in hospital for about a month while I was monitored, it was the build up to Christmas, which back then was not a favourite time of year, so I was pleased to be in that little private room, it even had an ensuite!  

When I was discharged I had a course of radiotherapy and the KS went. Everything was fine for a while then I got ill again and was taken back into hospital (this time I did not get the ensuite)! I knew I was very ill an invited my mates up to say my last goodbyes, I even planned what I wanted read at my funeral, a passage from the little prince, which ends:

 

‘Goodbye,’ said the fox. ‘And here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.’

I think I was determined that there should not be a dry eye at my funeral.

But then everything changed, a doctor came and spoke to me to say there had been a breakthrough with an antiviral medication. Through this combination therapy, six tablets twice a day I got better. Throughout the following decades I would get very ill and go back to hospital, but that determination that HIV/AIDS would not get the better of me gave me the determination to make everyday count. As the tattoos on my arm say, Carpe Diem and Memento Mori. 

moretomethanhiv.life

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Gscene piece: November 2016

th-1In my last column, I wrote about how their has been a steady change in segregation in the gay bars and clubs, with a younger generation seeing men only/women only places as a relic from the past. Although there will always be a need (I think) for some kind of segregation, we certainly have come a long way from the time I remember back in the 1980s, I can clearly remember some men being mortified if a woman wandered into their watering-hole and out would come the vile, flippant  misogynist comment from some of the older gay men, with their description of lesbian’s as well, I’ll reinterpret the vile line as, ‘fruits de la mer’. There was also a pub in Hove tried to implement a policy were women were only allowed if they were accompanied by a gay man.
It would take the catastrophic horrors of AIDS to bring these two communities together which was recalled in the amazing documentary, We Were Here, about the arrival of the AIDS Epidemic in the USA. With an urgent need for blood transfusions, lesbians in California garnered themselves together and gave blood. Here in the UK, I remember many lesbians came forward to volunteer in any way they could to support the gay men who were suffering in large numbers to the horrifying effects of AIDS; along with an onslaught of hatred and stigma from the tabloid press which fed in to the fear and anxiety of the wider public.th-2Thirty-four years on since, Terry Higgins, one of the first people to die from AIDS, we really have come along way with anti-retroviral treatments. The divisions within the LGBT community has shrunk considerably and when we work together we achieve amazing things as we will once again witness on December 1st, World AIDS Day. Unfortunately there is so much more to be done to tackle the stigma of living with an HIV+ diagnoses, particularly with HIV positive and HIV negative gay men.
For me, this issue has been brought sharply into focus with the increase of HIV+ dating apps. I really understand the need for such apps which allow HIV+ people to feel comfortable about their HIV+ status without fear of stigma or abuse but we are living in a time when we have a real opportunity to eradicate HIV through use of condoms, antiretroviral drugs, PrEP and a heavy dose of compassion.
HIV+ stigma seriously needs stamping out if we are to reach a time when HIV is assigned to the history books.
THT have been running a brilliant advertisement campaign, It Starts With Me, urging every sexually active individual to take responsibility for their own sexual health. Together as a community we can make a positive difference, if people change their negative attitude about those living with an HIV+ diagnose.
So from today let’s do that, let’s take responsibility for not only our individual sexual health, but start treating everyone with respect, regardless of their HIV status.

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Positive Nation, World AIDS Day (2013) Piece.

Please click the link below for my piece for Positive Nation, World AIDS Day, 2013.

 

http://issuu.com/talentmedia/docs/winter2013/13?e=1363912/6713304

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Holiday! Celebrate!

With Christmas all but a distant memory and the new year getting ready to kick 2013 into the long grass, the British nation’s thoughts will be thinking of two things and two things only, diets and holidays.

th-5Camping At st. David's Pembrokshire

My first and only thought on diets is life is too short, eat chocolate in moderation and you should be fine, as for the second, I have asked a group of friends to tell me their favourite holiday destination, which in turn should give us all a little inspiration to start imagining what the sun on our face feels likes as opposed to the biting wind that is lashing our windows at this very moment in time.

First up: Camping at St David’s in Pembrokeshire.

Calm warm sea, seagulls riding the wind, soft white, perfect sculpting sand, tea, toast and papers in the morning, the sound of the tent zip, unzipping to see the edge if the cliff as it dips away gently into the blue sea. I like it cos it’s idyllic, with calm space and the most beautiful weather. 

Sarah.

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With its miles of golden sand, blue waters and some of the best surfing in the country, St David’s in Pembrokeshire offers the perfect break with a range of budgets to suit all pockets. Although their are some fantastic bed and breakfasts guest houses, their are equally some brilliant camp sites dotted across the coastline.

For the uninitiated, the idea of camping may send a chill down their spine, but for that very reason camping should be given a second chance. These days their are a range of tents to suite all families, couples of for those who want to seek a little solitude and get away from it all. 

The other main thing to remember is comfort. Invest in a descent inflatable mattress. Their are two main types, those that can charged via the car’s cigarette lighter, or pumped by foot or even a reachable pump. For a stress free experience, invest in a self-inflate mattress, with a twist of the toggles a perfectly comfortable mattress is ready to stretch out on in minutes. F.Y.I. the former have more bounce, but the latter are firmer.

Forget sleeping bags, who wants to roll over onto a cold zip in the middle of the night? so, grab your duvet and pillows and be assured of a decent nights sleep and be ready and refreshed to wake up to amazing sunrises and the beauty of the expansive ocean on your doorstep.

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Pack a camping stove (never ever use any type of gas stove inside your tent. Ever) to make that morning cuppa, or just take a flask of your favourite beverage to get you up and running in the morning and get the local cafe or eatery to fill your flask with hot water for the next day; yep it really can be that stress free.

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As for St David’s, the place is perfect for whatever kind of holiday you have in mind, from taking yourself off to the quieter parts of the beach to catch some sunshine, to the perfect blue waters, many of which continue each year to win the prestigious clean water, ‘Blue Flag Awards’; something of great importance to all those who are seeking the perfect wave. Further along the coast the rock face offers stunning coastal walks and fantastic climbing opportunities to the adventurous, while inland their are many historical places of interest to visits  includingSt David’s Cathedral, fantastic pubs and restaurants with lovers of fish cuisine spoilt for choice, while those with an artistic bent can absorb themselves in the many art galleries St. David’s boast.

For more information about St David’s in Pembrokeshire and camping outlets, visit:

Packed with further information about What St David’s has to offer:

www.stdavids.co.uk

For all your surfing needs, from shops to surf reports:

magicseaweed.com/Pembrokeshire-Surfing/12

For all your camping needs:

johnscamping.com

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Bear Patrol

Focus on Bear-Patrol (First published in Positive Nation, December 2012.)

Bear-Patrol is the brainchild of local Brightonian, Danny Dwyer who initially formed the group as a way of getting a group of like minded people together for social gatherings.Danny D

I created a homepage so I could keep in touch with everyone more easily rather than texting to tell them where we would be starting out on a Saturday night; that was back in 2008/9 around the same time Facebook and the whole social media concept was coming into its own. From there the social meetings quickly grew which inspired me to create the social group Bear- Patrol which is open to everybody (you don’t need to be a bear to join) and we started organising trips out.

Danny Dwyer. Read more

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Movember Update.

 

Glenn’s tach, 16 days later

16 days later and my tach is taking some shape…I’m even considering not growing my beard back. At the beginning of this project I wanted to raise £100, I’m getting close to that goal with £68.00 raised so far.

As fun as it has been to cultivate the hair on my lip for the last couple of weeks, I also wanted to highlight the reason why I, along with thousands of other men and their supporters are doing this…

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……….Movember: 7 days later

7 Days later and my tach is beginning to look a little like a caterpillar. If truth be known I was hoping to have something more to twiddle by now…

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Return of the Names Quilt Project

Return of the Names Project.

Back in 1985 a man called Cleve Jones, was marching with hundreds of other people during a candlelit vigil. The March was in remembrance of the assignation of Harvey Milk. Through the 1970’s, Milk had campaigned for LGBT right in San Francisco. His campaign led him to be the first openly gay man to be elected into public office where he won a seat on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors.  Milks career was cut short when he, along with San Francisco’s Mayor George Moscone where both shot dead by Dan White, another Supervisor who had recently resigned from his job.

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