Writing everyday in October.
The Wedding (Part 1)
The bride was as boring as fuck, I mean honestly, I saw some paint drying that was being bored by her. The thing was though, when I was talking to her, she walked off when I was in mid flow, as if to say I was the fucking boring one!
Wait a minute, I’m getting ahead of myself now, let me start from the beginning, way before this disaster was at the brewing stage. My best mate, Jeff and me go way back. We met on our first day nursery school; I was shitting myself, both literally and metaphorically. After the teacher had got me cleaned up, she shoved me in the corner with Jeff who was playing with a load of toy cars. I Don’t really remember our first meet, but Jeff says he does; Jeff says that at soon as I sat next to him he knew we were going to be best mates, weird I know, but it was true. We did everything together, from school to scouts, collage, university and drugs.
Jeff’s new wife, she don’t do drugs and even now is totally convinced that Jeff is a clean living lad. He did tell her that he used to dabble in a bit of hash and once took an E, but that was all in the past. Is it fuck in the past! His stag night went on for five days. I don’t quite know how we ended up in Amsterdam snorting coke of some prostitutes arse; I mean we started the weekend in one of those weekend retreats in Norfolk. It was his brides idea, she said they had a spa there and that
we could go running in the morning and then have a sauna and stuff in the afternoon.
Thank fuck her dad ended up not joining us…or maybe it would have been better if he had then we could have put a stop to this sham marriage. I mean, it’s not like he had to marry her, she not up the duff or anything like that, she just has this really weird hold over him.
The first time I met her, she took an instant dislike to me which was fine by me as the feeling was mutual. Although Jeff was unaware of our pure dislike of each other, I think he was a little relived that I wasn’t flirting with her like I had in the passed. I could kick myself for sleeping with his last girlfriend, Mandy as she was shit hot, a great laugh and could keep up with our drinking and snorting right from Friday afternoon until she had to get the train to work on Monday morning.
But this one, she was…I was going to say frosty, but she wasn’t even that interesting!
So where was I? Oh yeah, snorting coke of a prostitutes arse, two rolled up notes, each taking a snort of each cheek, fucking ace. I don’t need to go into the details about what we did next, you’re all grown up enough to fill in those details; all you need to know is that we lost two days and had to spend a fortune on getting replacement tickets back. I tell yah, if Many was there we would have got a fucking upgrade. Now don’t go calling me a sexist, I’ve seen her do it, pushing her tits up and talking all breathy, like Marilyn bloody Monroe; works every time. Such a shame Jeff ditched her.
Jeff didn’t look to good on that plane ride home, I kept telling him he would be fine and all he needed was a cheeky snort I’d lined up for him in the toilet. When he got back there was a double J.D’s, two cubes of ice, just as he likes it, waiting for him. AS he sat down he shook his head, but I just gave him a wink, downed my drink. I nodded at Jeff, telling him to get the drink down him but he said he wasn’t feeling so great, so I grabbed it from his tray and necked it for hi. I swear it was from that moment on he started to lose his own sense of self. Even when she was miles away that woman was draining his very essence and I had to put a stop to it.