Ever have one of those mornings where your tongue’s all furry and your head is so sore from too much of a good time from the night before? Mr. Marcus St. Phillips is having one of those days, but for him it’s like this every morning. Marcus holds down a steady job, pays the bills and tries his best to keep his wife, Pamela and two children, Chrystal and Jacob happy. Not an easy task, considering how demanding they and his job can be, so every night he drinks and drinks and drinks.
He can do morning routine with his eyes closed, and most mornings are like that. But this morning he’s feeling a little bit odd, his head is heavy as he pulls it of the pillow and makes his way to the bathroom. This morning he just knows that if he opens his eyes too soon, his head will crack open, such is his hangover and so he covers his face with shaving foam using his shaving brush. This morning, a Monday morning, which for Marcus is the worst as his binge drinking reaches marathon levels from Friday lunch time till Sunday midnight, seems so much worse, and it’s not going to get much better.
As he drags the razor along his cheek, the razor staggers and pulls to such a degree that he dares to open his eyes against the fluorescent light above his head. oh so carefully he opens one eye then teh other then shuts both of them tight praying that he is still fast a sleep and that teh face that was looking back had been conjured up by the amount of sauce he had put away over the last 36. After what feels like a lifetime, Marcus again opens his eyes, just slightly this time, sees a totally different face staring back at him. Of course it is an elaborate joke being played on him by his children, a silly magic trick, but deep down he know’s what he is seeing is himself with a very different face.
He stares and stares and stares at teh face looking back and eventually calls out to his wife, but instead his voice cries “EE-ORRR!”
Slapping both hands across his brain finally admits that his head has been replaced by that of an Ass!
Shutting his eyes so tight this time he begins to see white stars bursting in the darkness, he prays to wake up in his bed and out of this stupid nightmare. He waits and waits but dare not open his eyes, so instead tries to call out, “Pamela! Pamela!”, but the bathroom is once again filled with the grating sound, EE-ORR, EE-ORR”.
Afraid he has gone a little insane, he screams out, “What the hell is happening to me?” but all that comes out is the
“EE-ORR, EE-ORR, EE-ORR, E-ORREE-ORRRR.”
Marcus shakes his head from side to side and decides that his so bleary eyed, that all this is just in his head. So taking himself to the bedroom and carries on his regular routine and pulls on his shirt, tie and suit and they all fit just fine.
Avoiding the mirror at the top of the hall he makes his way down to the smell of bacon and eggs, walks into the kitchen with his making sure to keep his mouth tightly shut half expecting his wife to scream, but instead she just says “Well, sit down it’s getting cold”. as she puts his plate of food down on the table.
He opens his eye and then other and tries his best not to make a sound, he’s wife’s standing there, dressed smartly with her piny on, but her head is that of a Chicken, again she looks and tells him to sit down as he’s making the place look untidy, but now with his eyes and wide as the plates and although the only sound she is making, “Cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck, cluck.” he understands every word!
Just then the door flies open and he hears the voice of his youngest, little Chrystal. Marcus tries oh so very hard not to be surprised that as well as pigtails, his adorable daughter now has teh head of a pig! He watched as she scrambles onto her chair and buries her snout into her plate and grunts like a pig! Marcus feels his go dry as his tongue hangs heavy out of teh side of his mouth. He tries to speak when his whole body tightens at the sound of his son as he comes bounding down the stairs. He looks on a little amazed to see his son has the head of a sly young fox, his up to no good as he sneaks some bacon off his father’s plate, thinking he hadn’t been seen.
He is then reminded that this is what his son is always like, a bit sly, a bit crafty, it’s just that he has been drunk for so long that he had forgotten just what a sly old fox his son could be!
He looks at his wife, a clucking hen, trying her best to keep the brood together, his spoilt daughter, always asking and getting just what she wants and he himself for being such an ass for the drunken life he had allowed to take over.